When I visited the Navakarnataka bookstore last Saturday, I chanced upon a small book titled ‘A Case for LawFing’, written and edited by S. R. Gautham. This is a “collection of humorous titbits and anecdotes relating to Law and Lawyers”. Though there is no further information about the author, in a newsletter ‘Communique’, which is privately circulated among the legal fraternity, it is reported that this book was released by Dr P.S. Ramanujam, IPS on 22-4-95, under the auspices of the Literary Union and the author was an advocate. The fact that the release of this book was reported in a newsletter exclusively for the ‘legal fraternity’, we can draw that the degree of humour in the book is acceptable by ‘legal standards’, not leading to contempt of court.
On the back cover, Gautham writes, “It is said that one has to exercise three hundred facial muscles to frown. But it needs only thirty muscles to smile! Why make ten times extra effort and that too for what result? Keep smiling. One who laughs, lasts”. He also notes, in the end, to “take them with a pinch of salt, you will relish them better”. I enjoyed all the jokes in this book. It is unfortunate that this book is not in circulation anymore and haven’t found any re-prints. So, I am reproducing some jokes that I liked below and hope I don’t have to face copyright charges against me for reproducing the excerpts here without permission from the author or the publisher.
Mature Handling
Client: To be very frank, you are too young to conduct my case.
Young Lawyer: But sir, you may rest assure, by the time the case comes up for final hearing, I will be quite old!
***
One who knows!
If you cannot get a lawyer who knows the law, get one who knows the judge!
***
Eyewitnesses include those who haven’t seen!
Judge to Accused: Do you plead guilty or not guilty to the charge?
Accused: Not guilty, your Honour
Judge: The prosecution has filed a list of FIVE witnesses who have actually seen you committing the crime
Accused: Your Honour! I can give a list of a hundred witnesses who have not seen anything!
***
A fragile extremity
At the end of the day, the Judge was getting down from his chair, slipped and fell down on his back. The court peon asked the judge anxiously” Is your Honour hurt?”. “My honour is quite safe”, replied the Judge acidly, “but what is hurt is my posterior extremity”.
***
Treble Jeopardy!
This story of yore is told of an old merchant who was arrested for selling adulterated oil and was produced before the magistrate along with a maund of the oil. The magistrate found the merchant guilty but gave him three choices. Drink the adulterated oil, receive fifty lashes or pay a fine of 100 varahas.
The merchant opted to drink the oil. He could drink only half a seer and no more. He then chose to receive the lashes. Before he was flogged for the tenth time, he screamed he will pay the fine. And paid it!
***
One who chased was one who was caught
The policeman chased and nabbed a motorist driving the other way in a one-way street.
“Do you admit the charge”, the judge questioned the motorist.
“I was under a bonafide mistake your Honour”, replied the motorist. “I thought I was driving the right way as the policeman was driving behind me”. The motorist was given the benefit of doubt and the policeman was fined Rs. 100/-!
***
Brief- 1
A brief is brief when it is just entrusted to the lawyer. It soon grows out of all proportions
***
Brief- 2
In law suits, though the subject matter may be brief, the brief must be large enough to arouse the lawyer’s interest!
***
Dead this month, alive next month
A pensioner could not draw his pension for the month of March. Next month, he applied for payment of pension for the months of March and April. As required by Rules he filed an ‘alive certificate’ certifying that he was alive as on 30th April. The pension office refused to release the pension on the ground that the pensioner had not filed an ‘alive certificate’ for the month of March also!
***
The Bully and the brain!
Two counsels were arguing a case. The lawyer on one side was a towering six footer and the other lawyer was a midget. Exasperated by the interruptions of the short fellow, the giant of a lawyer roared: “If you will not shut that big mouth of yours, I will bodily lift you and put you in my coat pocket”. “In that case Mr. Bully,” the midget lawyer replied: “You will have more brains in your pocket than in your head!”.
***
Thumping Advice
The Professor was giving the students of law class a parting advice:
“You are now on the threshold of Law Courts. If you have only facts on your side, hammer it into the jury. If you have law on your side, hammer it into the Judge. If you have neither facts nor law, then my dear student….(after a pause) then, just hammer the table!
***
The guardian knot
By an amendment in 1967 to the Hindu Marriage Act, 1955 (Central Act) Tamil Nadu had inserted Section 7-A whereby marriage between two Hindus can be solemnized in the presence of relatives, friends or other persons by:
(a) the bride and the groom declaring in a language understood by them that one takes the other to be his/her wife/husband, as the case may be!
(b) garlanding each other or putting a ring upon any finger!
(c) the tying of thali!
Such marriages are called Suyamariyathi marriage (self-respect marriage) or Seerthirutha marriage (coming-together marriage).
It also renders valid, with retrospective effect any marriage solemnized in any of the above three forms, before the 1967 amendment came into force.
But a wag points out that sub-clause (c) does not define what a ‘thali’ is and further does not say who should tie the ‘thali’ around whose neck! Come again Sir, there is no mention of the ‘neck’ either!
***
rishvanth.com 
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