Originally written by Mullapudi Venkata Ramana in Telugu
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Two brothers were arguing over their inheritance. Unable to agree, they went to the village headman for a ruling.
“We will abide by whatever you decide”, they said.
The headman listened to their entire dispute and said, “The elder brother will have the responsibility of dividing the inheritance into two portions, and the younger brother will have the first choice of which portion he takes”.
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Magistrate: Do you have the proof that he was drunk?
Police: He was found crawling on his knees on the road
Magistrate: So what?
Police: He called me to join him to roll up the road and store it in a warehouse so it wouldn’t get wet in the rain
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A one-eyed man said to a two-eyed man: “I can see more than you”
“Wow! Have you lost your mind too?”
“No. When you look at me, you can see only one eye. I can see two eyes when I look at you”
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Kamala: “What do you do if you ever run into an extremely beautiful woman?”
Vimala: “I will stare. I will stare for a good long while. Then, when I have had enough, I will just close the mirror”
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“What must we do for God to forgive our sins?”
“First, we must sin”
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“Honourable Sri Sri, have you ever written a poem about a bald head?”
“I only write my poems on paper”, replied Sri Sri
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“Sir, I am a family man and need work to support my wife and fourteen children”
“Do you know any other work?”
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Journalist: “Is your film a comedy or a tragedy?”
Producer: “If it makes money, it’s comedy. If not, it’s a tragedy”
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A mother was scolding her son:
Mother: “Do you know the consequences of lying?”
Son: “Yes. You only have to pay half fare on a train”
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An actor once remarked, “What if the whole world were a stage? At least then, people would rehearse their lines before speaking”
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[Selected and translated from ‘Mullapudi Venkata Ramana Saahithee Sarvaswam-4: Kadamba Ramaneeyam-1, edited by M.B.S. Prasad, 2011]
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